The Bouncy Castle of Life

I keep returning to the four Elements of Power, Control, Safety and Vulnerabilty, which seem to come into play time and time again, both in my own journey, and in the journey of my learners.  I believe they are all interconnected, and they shift their intensity depending on circumstances.  Consistently they directly affect my behaviour – most often adversely!  Seeking a balance between all four is my goal.

I was sampling one of my own techniques based on this model, when I thought to approach these elements from a different angle.  What if I had found that balance that I was seeking?  What would I then know about each of them?

This took me to a state that I am know, though unfortunately not over familiar with!  It is the concept of “It’s a good day to die.” – a phrase taken from the film Little Big Man, and which was quoted by the tribal Chief.  These are moments of perfection, possibly fleeting or part of a perfect day, when, if I was plucked from this earth I wouldn’t put up a fight.  My leaving would be ripple free.

So in this state I asked myself what I knew about each of the Elements, and this is what emerged.

What do you know about Power?

I share it.  I feel tremendously, powerfully powerful, in a quiet certain way.  I know I have my own power.  It is mine to do with as I will.  However it only works when I join it with that of others, or with the universal energies of God’s power.  There has to be the connection, before it can flow.  It is inert potential otherwise.  My power makes others powerful.  The power of others strengthens me.  Frittering power is futile and in some ways blasphemous.

What do you know about Control?

Control is essential.  It is the tap that moderates Power.  It has the lightest of all light touches, like a dressage rider.  Control is in charge of the Power, but is rarely visible – the unseen hand.  We see this in the relaxed breathing of the experienced diver; the effortless micro muscle management of the dancer; the loose grip of the professional golfer.  Control is relaxation.  Control is about controlling the deep structure, about putting the energy to the source, so that our surface behaviours look after themselves easily and with grace.  Control is having the faith that the system is self regulating and requires attention yet minimum effort.

What do you know about Safety?

It is two-faced – the face of freedom and the face of prison.  Safety is an illusion, totally dependent on perspective.  Safety at environmental level is the prison, because it seeks stability and won’t venture forth.  Safety at behavioural level is all about coping, which may imply choice, but is directly reactive to perceived threats.  Safety at skills level does bring more systems into the frame – developing skills for managing how to minimise danger.  The call we need to make here is in knowing when these skills are sanitising and are in fact preventing learning and new experiences, and when they are alerting us to a situation for which we don’t yet have an adequate response. The big skill here is risk assessment and being mindful of ‘fit for purpose’.  Safety at belief level – there is no place for that!  We need to be constantly re-evaluating our beliefs just to check if we are still alive and equal to the world we now find ourselves in today.  Safety at Identity level – here I am, safe in the midst of chaos because I have a learnt intuition.  I know that I value myself so much, that everything I do looks after me – irrespective of how crazy and risk taking it may seem to others.  Safety at spiritual level – well I am profoundly safe.  I am in God’s hands.

What do you know about Vulnerability?

It isn’t what it seems.  It is spawned from any incongruent disclosure, or exposure, when we are unready and unprepared, from a place of off-balance.  This may be due directly to the pressure and actions of others, or indirectly through our own belief that we need to comply, trade, impress, or deny our own needs.  We are only vulnerable when we are unsure of how our actions will be received and judged – and this external validation matters to us.  Similar to the notion of taboo – when someone congruently and simply holds their truth, there is no stigma.  So when someone chooses to reveal their inner privacy, because it serves them, or because they cannot not – without any mind for the potential audience – then this supposed vulnerability is a hallmark of their authentic self.  That vulnerability connects with the spirit within us all – the great athlete, the musician, the painter, the poet – all living fully at the core of their art, where delivering their calling is all that concerns them.  That others may call it vulnerability comes as a surprise – just as bravery is only a concept when our actions are viewed by others.   For the artist et al, they just had to do it.  So the journey here is to find our truth and find ways of expressing it.  The feedback comes from within, not from the outside world.

All of this makes a difference, to me at any rate.

Fran Burgess