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PERSONALITY ALIGNMENT – a process of Parts

The 6 Step Reframe is most NLP Learner’s introduction to the idea of Parts. This technique often catches the imagination and stands out as a punctuation point in the NLP Practitioner syllabus.

Realising that our presentation to the world is the result of the activities of our different Parts brings new meaning to the statement, “We are not our behaviour.” Knowing that we can connect with separate aspects within ourselves opens up the possibility to make distinctions previously inaccessible. And discovering that our Parts have different voices, characters and aspirations, can be a mind-boggling experience.

However for many NLP Learners this will be the full extent of their experience, before they move on to the next amazing piece in the NLP journey. If this is the case, then the Learner could be missing out on one area in NLP which encapsulates all the skills of modelling and second positioning, which exemplifies the NLP Presuppositions and which proves to be one of the most effective changework interventions within the NLP map.

To regard the 6 Step Reframe as just one of the many techniques within the NLP repertoire, is to truly miss the point. Within its structure this process presupposes so many fundamentals, namely that we have Parts which are responsible for behaviour; that there is a positive intention behind the behaviour; that we need to be respectful and establish rapport with each part; that Parts can interconnect and communicate with each other; that agreement needs to be reached between Parts before change can be contemplated; and that ecology and congruence is dependent on this agreement.

Taken together, that is a comprehensive and impressive package! I became more and more fascinated, and on learning of Virgina Satir’s ‘Parts Parties’, I began to explore the possibilities revealed in working with all the Parts that are operating at any one time. Instead of the two or three Parts as in the Reframe process, I have been working with clients to reveal ten or more Parts whose relationships and interactions were responsible the presenting problem. After over 100 case studies, I have a total admiration for the complexities and natural order to be found within these intricate and often-warring systems – and the ability of the system to know what is required to achieve balance.

GETTING STARTED

­To get the process going, the Explorer needs to be in a receptive state. The Explorer needs to have some understanding of the concept of Parts; that Parts are known through the ‘voices’ we have in our internal dialogue; that we unconsciously acknowledge their presence in our language – “I’m in two minds.” “ I feel pulled in different directions.”; and how the different personalities express themselves through the different voices and accents we adopt – our telephone voice, our lover’s voice – , or through specific mannerisms and gestures we instinctively produce in given situations. Ideally these explanations are offered in an increasingly trance like tone, so that the Explorer is in readiness to listen to the nuances within, offered by his or her unconscious mind.

Traditionally within the 6 Step Reframe, you are invited to call up the Part responsible for the undesired behaviour. For a therapeutic session, this is not necessarily the first step. In fact it may be a bit brutal – since the Part responsible for the seemingly offending behaviour may feel reluctant to make itself known immediately. As the therapist, you will already have been filtering for patterns of mannerisms, voice tones, vocabulary blocks, which indicate the presence of a Part. So as the Explorer is talking about their present situation, you will already have a sense of which Parts are already making themselves available. Your opening line could be “Which Part is speaking at the moment?”. If you have no obvious clues, you could ask “Which Part brought you here today?” “Which one should we meet next?”

Once the first Part has emerged, you want to find out to whom you are being introduced. Much will depend on the openness of the Explorer and his or her willingness to go off into the ‘irrational’. Often in the early stages, the Explorer will say that the Part is themselves, and is their actual age. It is hard for them to believe they have, or to admit to having, really old Parts or really young Parts, male or female.

To build the hallucination, as a convincer for the Explorer and as data to track for yourself, discover what gender it is – just because the Explorer is female doesn’t mean to say that all Parts will be female. Sometimes the gender may be neutral. Determine its age. Invite them to hear the voice and possibly see the face – this often enables the age to emerge, young or old. You can also ask the Part directly. Find out its purpose and use its words specifically. Ask them what its name is, or what it would like to be called. The name may denote the behaviour – Grumpy, Bully, Jack the Lad, Fearful; it may reflect the purpose – Organiser, Fun; it may reflect the age – the Little Boy, the Old Woman; or it may be a name that ‘pop’s out – George, Elizabeth. Use this name throughout until such times as it changes. Find out what it is wearing, and how it is moving.

If the Explorer is having difficulty creating the hallucination, then invite the Part which is resisting the idea to come forward, and ask “What has to happen for this to make sense?” or “for this to be OK?” And then gather the information about this Part. Whatever is happening in the moment, a Part will be responsible for it!!

And remember – you must establish genuine rapport with each Part that you meet, pacing its reality, honouring its purpose and letting it know that you have some understanding of what it may have been like for it up until now. Recognising how weary a Part may be, or admiring its resilience, or empathising with the thankless task it has had adds to the total 3 dimensional space you are creating. If you don’t enter into this reality fully yourself, not only will you not encourage your Explorer to do so, you will not generate sufficient credibility for the really crucial Parts to trust in you sufficiently to make themselves known, or to open up and be ready for change.

DISCOVERING THE CAST

Our Parts operate within a System, which in a period of dissatisfaction, can start off being unbalanced and distorted, but which has the potential to align itself to achieve real equilibrium and common purpose. As in any family of siblings, parents and connected relatives, between Parts there are ancient squabbles, factions, misunderstandings and arrested development. There are alliances and polarised relationships, dominances and archaic submission. Some Parts are oblivious of the existence of others, or may even be missing. Others refuse to make themselves known, or hide behind others, whilst still exerting their influence unseen – or refusing to deliver their purpose.

To discover the prevailing system, you want to find out how each Part relates to each other. When calling up the cast, sometimes you can invite allies to come to the fore. Or you can ask who the Part doesn’t like, or which Part thwarts its Purpose. Sometimes a new Part will come forward unbidden, often as a result of some internal dialogue. It is worth remembering that there will always be more Parts than certainly the Explorer will expect, and maybe more than you might expect. To check it out, it is often useful to go to the edge of the system, where the Wise Part hangs out, and ask him/her who there is still to meet.

Keep a mental picture of where each Part is in the system, their location and their proximity and distance from other Parts. This system will change as new Parts are introduced, or new information becomes available. You want to be able to track the movements and gain a sense of where unfinished business lies. You are a glorified group worker! You will have a sense of where the comfort and discomfort lies. You will be able to feel where the tensions and energies lie, where there is flow and where there is blockage. Encourage contact between Parts, especially if a Part is needing loving or safety. Where a Part is reluctant to come forward, discover which Part could go out to meet it and sponsor it within the group.

Some therapists like to believe that there are common archetypes which each system is likely to have – warrior, joker, thinker etc. This may be true, and you may find that systems do share similarities. However, I prefer to discount these since I like to keep my filters open and just take what the Explorer offers. A framework of archetypes can lead to expectations that a Part will, or should exist, and the therapist feels a need to find it. The therapist may be tempted to use the labels of the archetype and not the name given by the Explorer. The Explorer may find that their own experience is being invalidated and distrust their own instincts. Alternatively, the therapist may not be open to a Part which lies outside of their theoretical framework and delete its presence, or redefine its behaviour.

For my part, I consider everyone’s system to be so unique and authentic, we have no need for any information other than what is offered.

MAKING A DIFFERENCE

By and large, it is important to wait until you have a sense that all the key players have arrived, before you suggest any changes. There are no generalisations or rules of thumb about to do next, since each system is truly unique. A range of possibilities is available, some minor and some major. You may introduce them all naturally or deliberately, or select just some of them. As you become more familiar with the process, you will discover that the sequencing of them can be significant.

· Hidden Parts: Enabling a reluctant Part to come forward and state its case, can have a tremendous effect. To learn what this Part needs, and to gain agreement from all the others to comply, may be sufficient to cause the system to realign.
· Information: Sometimes the intervention arises of its own accord, once all the Parts become aware of each other and of each other’s purpose. With this greater understanding alone, the system can become more stable. Listening to and addressing meta model patterns can bring tremendous insight. Enable the various Parts to identify reframes for themselves, can bring the required fresh energy, and altered perspectives.
· Clothing: Changing what a Part wears, and inviting that Part to choose for itself what it would rather wear can make a significant difference. Should a Part be wearing a cloak for example, invite the possibility that there is something different to be revealed beneath it. Should a Little Girl Part be wearing shabby clothes, inviting her to pick whatever she might like to wear can lead to pretty party dresses or freedom seeking dungarees.
· Naming: Initially Parts may take on pejorative names, which describe the of their behaviour, not their intention. For example a truly critical, Bully Part, who really wants the best for the system and the Parts within in it, may become the Coach. The Rational Part may become the Spokesperson. The Part knows what it would prefer to be – it just doesn’t know that it is possible to become that!
· Aging or Regression: Parts can become older or younger – and often not in the direction you expect. Children can become babies and vice versa. Ancients can become middle aged, or teenagers, and in the process the energy returns. Sometimes as the age shifts, the Part spits into two aspects, and some characteristics stay with the original Part, as the emerging Part manifests those latent characteristics capable of taking on the responsibilities involved. Whatever the shifts, the ecosystem has to align and reach agreement with the new structure. If there is any dissention, then this needs to be addressed.
· New Part: You may consider that there is an imbalance of energy and invite the system, or the Wise Part to identify what Part is missing, to enable the system to become fully mature. It is absolutely essential that the ecology is spot on here. All Parts have to be fully in agreement. Everyone needs to have an understanding of what this Part will bring to each of them and to the system as a whole. They need to agree what this Part will look like and how it will behave. The Part itself may already be waiting in the wings, pending the invitation to appear – on a full time or temporary basis. Or the system may choose to wait until it is more ready. Once the Part is introduced, as before, it needs to connect with each of the other Parts, acknowledge their roles and desires and agree how it will work with them.
· Departure: Sometimes, a Part may realise that its role is now redundant. Before considering leaving, it has to explore how it could still be of use within the system, possibly performing a different role. Parts should not be asked to leave just to tidy things up, or to suit certain other Parts! This just perpetuates the non-alignment. However, given all the other rearrangements, the Part may be ready to leave, knowing that it could return should it need to. If this is the case, invite all the other Parts to bid it farewell and thank it for the work and energy it has been offering up until now.

AND FINALLY

You know you have reached the end of the process when the Explorer demonstrates clearp congruent behaviour. They may have become calmer, or more energised. They may be much more self accepting and their internal dialogue radically reduced. Just double check with the Parts and with yourself as you ‘step into’ the system, to make sure that there is a sense of balance in terms of energies and relationship. Once you get the OK signal, you want now to make sure that the whole system becomes fully integrated within the Explorer. Let each Part enter into the Explorer, reminding the Explorer of its purpose and commitment, until all have found their place within.

Let the Explorer now view the future, possibly some specific events that are due, and test his or her responses to them. And even at this late stage, be alert to the possibility that another Part – often the most crucial one – may decide to put in an appearance, after deciding that you were up to the test!

Fran Burgess

© September 2004

Fran is running a 3-day workshop on this process 21st - 23rd November 2008. Places are still available.

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